'Byzantium': Finally A Vampire Movie That Looks Good
Pretty much everybody who isn’t a fifteen-year-old girl hates Twilight, and even the middle-school contingent has moved on to better books like The Hunger Games. But studios are still out to exploit vampires, and at least they got a guy who knows his way around fangs to make it.
Neil Jordan is best known to horror fans for Interview With A Vampire, a movie that surprisingly holds up pretty well nearly twenty years later, and to art house patrons for springing a penis on them when they least expected it. Since then he’s mostly made art movies barely anybody watched, something that could change quite a bit now that he’s got attractive women running around beating people up in his movies:
Meet Ahmed Angel, The Internet's Best Male Model
Soon or later, Zoolander 2 is going to happen. It's debatable whether a sequel to a comedy that came out 12 years later should be made, just so Ben Stiller can pay for a peeing-only bathroom, but there's one thing we can all agree on: the movie NEEDS to star Ahmed Angel, the so-called "most beautiful man in the world."
Angel is an Iraqi male model who the IBT describes as a "perfectly-coiffed, impeccably groomed, and ultra-mysterious social media presence, who may or may not be real." I, for one, choose to believe he's real — people don't think God's real, either, unless they're one and the same... — because, I mean, just look at his Facebook.
Might as well get used to seeing Angel's face now; he's going to Blue Steel Zoolander 2 away from Stiller.
Here Is A Supercut Of Jay Leno Making People Sad
A lot of people think that if you want to get back at an ex the best thing to do is to bang their best friend. This is wrong. The best thing to do — if you want to unleash an avalanche of crushing sadness upon them — is to kidnap them and force them to watch Jay Leno monologues on a loop for days. No one who truly knows evil in their heart denies this.
As a thesis, if you will, of how effective Leno is at making people sad, we present to you a supercut by Dane Boaz of Leno making people sad. We rest our case.
Hear Lonely Island, Solange's Grammatically Correct 'Semicolon'
Everyone who’s anyone knows the semicolon is the sexiest of punctuation marks. ; ; ; Oh man, just looking at that curved comma and thick period (phrasing) gets me…ANYWAY. Semicolons, very sexy, and now they have a sensual AND educational song of their very own: the creatively titled “Semicolon” is the latest entry in the Lonely Island’s Wack Wednesday series, and they’ve brought along Solange to sing the semi’s full praises.
For their next track, the Lonely Island will cover the heated GIF vs. JIF debate.
LoJack For Phones Will Use An Actual Goon Squad
LoJack, in case you didn’t know, is the popular brand of anti-theft device for cars. But it also has been extending that brand to laptops, and now, phones. Although the selling point here is less “tracking your phone” and more “sending a large, scary man to get your phone back.”
LoJack’s phone tracking software is fairly standard to a point: It lets you lock your phone remotely and remove data, change passwords, and post photos of the thief doing embarrassing things.
It does have the smart idea of being encoded in the firmware of the phone, so, starting with the Samsung Galaxy S4, you can wipe the whole phone and it will still be on there, ready to get your phone back. Speaking of which, you probably will, since they’ll be sending “recovery experts”:
"Our Theft Recovery Team has over 1,000 years of combined experience in law enforcement, FBI, the Marines, the US Army, Homeland Security and government positions.They are experts on internet investigations, computer forensics, and cyber crime and speak at public engagements on topics ranging from regulatory matters to legal issues around data privacy and computer crime. Most importantly, the Theft Recovery Team works to get your stolen laptop back. To date, they have recovered 28,000+ devices in over 95 countries. Get 30 days of FREE Protection."
In other words, the dude who jacked your phone will answer the door and discover a very large, angry Marine standing there, politely requesting that he turn the phone over and come with him to answer a few questions.
That’s kind of worth the $30 per year this service costs — just the mental image of it alone.
The Gregory Brothers Offer a History of YouTube
To celebrate both YouTube turning eight-years-old as well as kick-off the site’s Comedy Week, America’s favorite remixers The Gregory Brothers recently delighted us with the history of the beloved video sharing site in song.
It’s hard to believe that just eight years ago there was no Chocolate Rain nor Pop Tart Cat. How did we survive? Regardless, we can’t say we regret any of it. Remember that time we discovered how ridiculously close goats and humans sound? Oh, memories!
Among all of the wins the Gregory Bros have churned out, this might be our favorite. And we can’t disagree — life hasn’t been the same since YouTube.
Rigged Elevator Pranks Riders With Donald Duck Sounds and More
Have you had enough elevator pranks? Well, howzabout just one more? We promise it’s a good one!
Set on a Norwegian talk show, this prank doesn’t involve any ghastly ghouls or zombies in coffins like we’ve seen in the past. It merely consists of two jokesters duping elevator riders via a “voice activated” experience they’re calling “The Intelevator.”
As soon as people enter the duping begins, offering different themes to be had for different riders — such as a Donald Duck experience or a different language setting. Yet as comical as those are, our favorite is the more bizarre ones, like coordinating a floor to the number of claps provided.
So which elevator prank do you like the best?
12 Bears With Beaks Because It’s the Internet
If you’re not familiar with Birds With Arms, a single-serving Tumblr that posts images of birds with human arms Photoshopped onto them, Bears With Beaks might make no sense. If you are familiar, and you like Birds With Arms, you’ll love this.
Bears with Beaks is a very strange subreddit that is entirely photos of bears with beaks. Oh, and sometimes Bear Grylls with a beak, because it’s a pun, get it? We’re not sure why people put beaks on bears. Maybe it’s because they end up looking like weirdly cute Muppets? Whatever the reason, they are supremely strange.
Here are some of our favorites, you can check out more pictures of bears with beaks here.
Improv Everywhere Turns Subway Car Into Talk Show
It’s something only Improv Everywhere could accomplish — going on to a subway car, making a huge ruckus and not annoying every single person on the train. This time, the team set up a late night-style talk show, complete with desk, comfy chair, backdrop and band. Technically the band was just a guy with a keytar, but we’ll allow it.
Instead of guests, they interviewed random people on the train. Remarkably, there were no screaming matches. It probably helps that they went through Times Square so they could load up on tourists, instead of chugging through Bensonhurst on the D train.
Our Favorite Non Sequiturs from Reddit’s /r/Trees
/r/Trees is a friendly subreddit (or forum) on Reddit for pot smokers to hang around and talk about marijuana-related stuff together. Sometimes they get a little… sidetracked though. They have a scale that goes from  (totally sober) to  (this guy). These are some of our favorite posts which we’ve set to stock photos. These posts are all on a  level. Because, let’s be real — if you’re a , there’s no way you’re going to be able to type a coherent sentence on Reddit. They’re pretty ridiculous. Enjoy!
13 Everyday Objects That Look Like Other Things
You see it too, right? The awesome Terminator face on that…grill? To us it is now and will forever be Snow Terminator. Same goes for all of these other objects that have taken on personalities of their own. They can never go back. They have been permanently anthropomorphized. It’s adorable.
‘Epic Rap Battles of History’ Goes Live For Comedy Week
A while back we gave you the ‘Epic Rap Battle‘ between classical composer Mozart and modern day electronic musician Skrillex. Well, thanks to YouTube’s Comedy Week, you can check out the battle LIVE!
Added just a couple of days ago, this live head-to-head performance between the two musicians has already garnered over 600,000 views. While ERB’s co-founder EpicLLOYD initially entertained us by playing the role of Skrillex, the battle heated up quickly when the real-life Skrillex came out to finish off Wolfgang. But as we’ve seen before, Mozart doesn’t back down quickly.
So who do you think won the live battle?
Amy’s Baking Company Gets Animated to Hilarious Effect
Surely you remember that horrifying episode of ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ that took place at Amy’s Baking Company. The cook, Amy, was the most legitimately insane person we’ve ever encountered not in real life.
It would be fair to say she was *cartoonishly* crazy, so this cartoon of her craziness makes perfect sense. Plus, it has the added bonus of not making us want to hide under the covers to get away from her. All-around win-win!
See YouTube Through History
If the internet had existed in caveman times, we would build a time machine (because if the internet existed that long ago, clearly we would have time travel technology by now) and travel back and un-invent it. Sure, we would probably blink out of existence (can’t think about it too much — time continuum stuff gives us a headache), but at least none of these horrible videos would have been made.
As this video from Above Average Network shows, YouTube would’ve been pretty much the same had it been around before the invention of modern plumbing. Cleopatra would be clogging it up with her cat vlogs. Historical figure like Christopher Columbus would take the “Cinnamon Challenge.” Footage of the Hindenburg disaster would be dubbed an “epic fail” by commenters. Basically business as usual. Time-sucking, bizarre business as usual.
What’s Wrong With the Xbox One, In Meme Form
Microsoft unveiled their new gaming console yesterday, and people were not impressed. Actually, they were pretty complain-y and grumpy about it. They don’t like the name (Xbox One). They don’t like all the features. They don’t like any of it. (Particularly how the Microsoft folks pretty much just talked about TV the whole time.) They genuinely dislike it so much that they took the time to make memes about it. These really capture the gist of the problems people have with Xbox One.
News Anchor Tries to Eat World’s Hottest Pie
You might recognize a few of these faces from last week, when we showed the man on the right, Karl Stefanovic, pranking his co-anchor from Australia ‘Today’ on the air. He’s back, and this time he’s trying to eat the world’s hottest pie.
If this confuses you, in Australia they make delicious savory pies, so it’s not like he’s eating a fiery strawberry-rhubarb pie or something. Although, the sugar would probably help with the burn, considering the sweat that breaks out all over his face, the fact that he can’t finish it, AND that it actually makes him feel sick. Nice try though, Karl.
Jennifer Aniston Reunites With Some ‘Friends’ on ‘Ellen’
It’s not exactly the ‘Friends’ reunion fans have been expecting, but it’s still pretty amusing.
On Thursday’s episode of ‘Ellen,’ America’s sweetheart Jennifer Aniston will be acting as co-host. In order to promote the show, the crew made a hysterical skit involving a few ‘Friends’ cast members — including Aniston, Matthew Perry and Courteney Cox — and some adult situations that most definitely would not have appeared on the NBC hit.
The group took the time to take a few light jabs at one another, all under the guise of Aniston asking Perry for some co-hosting advice. But what she got was much, much more.
If you ask us, our ‘Friends’ reunion hopes have been completely satisfied, even without an Gunther cameo.
11 Diving Fails to Prep You for Summer
Memorial Day is coming up soon, which means the beginning of swimming season is quickly approaching. This also means plenty of painful belly flops, fully-clothed people falling into pools and our latest hilarious discovery, diving fails.
We’d like to think of these unfortunate dive attempts as warnings rather than cringe-worthy entertainment. Basically when you go for a swim, try to actually land in the pool. Don’t dive over railings and stay far away from cliff jumping altogether. Let these 11 diving fail GIFs be your hilarious lesson of the day.
These Amazing Dogs Can Actually Drive Your Car
No your eyes aren’t deceiving you, you’re about to witness 3 affable & ingeious dogs called Monty, Porter & Ginny driving a car….entirely by themselves.
It’s part of a program developed by an animal shelter called SPCA Auckland, whereby they’ve trained these 3 rescued dogs to show to the general public how smart, intelligent and talented an adopted pet can be. There’s no doubt it takes a lot of effort, patience and several bags of treats to achieve such feats of ingenuity - but it also looks like a lot of fun doesn’t it?
There’s some truth in the fact dogs will do anything for the odd biscuit, but even we have to admit, driving a car is certainly pushing the boundaries somewhat.
Two Guys Make A Dubstep Track From Exploding Chemicals
Let’s face it, during chemistry class often the most interesting part of the entire lecture was when the elements either caught fire, morphed into a bubbling melting pot of colour or exploded in an incredibly loud & impressive manner.
But when it comes to entertainment and chemistry, the last thing you’d probably think of is creating a dubstep soundtrack using a variety of chemicals, bunsen burners, test tubes and explosions. Yet that’s precisely what Adam and Dave, two students from the University of Nottingham in the UK decided to do.
Together they setup microphones in the laboratory, used their chemical know how to create some seriously cool reactions, recorded all the various unique sounds of elements colliding and then edited the entire process down into a 2 minute & 30 second dubstep music video.They even recorded a behind the scenes video on exactly how they did it.
It’s inventive, fun and fascinating to watch, in fact it’s proof that when it comes to chemistry, there’s often more than meets the eye.